April 1, this year

Red Hat, Inc. today stunned the world with an unprecedented offer to buy software giant, Microsoft.

“We see extreme value combining Microsoft’s customer base with our industry leading open practices,” said Red Hat CEO Jim Whitehurst. “We welcome Windows, Office, and other offerings to our open ecosystem and look forward to long and continuous improvement.  Watch for some exciting announcements over the next several days, weeks, and years, especially on future anniversaries of this momentous occasion.”

“Frankly, we just got tired of hearing about bug after bug with Internet Explorer and Office,” said Microsoft CEO, Satya Nadella.  “It’s embarrassing and expensive for us to fix when a customer opens up a Word document with a malicious macro and ends up with a scrambled mess.   So we decided to accept Red Hat’s guidance and open up our software to the community in the hopes they can keep it more secure than we’ve been able to.  And who better to drive that than Red Hat?  It’s not cancer, it’s a cure for cancer.”

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win,” said Red Hat Executive vice president, Paul Cormier.  “I don’t know if Mahatma Gandhi said it first or not, but I do know we said it before Donald Trump hijacked it.”